It's nearly 10:00 pm, and I'm feeling pretty uninspired. Tom had a few errands to run today, so I spent quite a bit of time alone with the kids, and Michael was a bit on the fussy side today. Add to that the running around I've been doing trying to get some last-minute cleaning done in preparation for the play date I'll be hosting tomorrow, and I'm finding myself pretty thoroughly drained.
I'm trying hard not to think about the packing (and requisite laundry) that we have to fit in tomorrow on top of all of the other excitement. And the six-hour trip that will follow Friday morning as we set off for a week away in Point Lookout, NY. Or the nagging fear that keeps reinserting itself into my head every time I have to fight Michael on a feed- that maybe he's frustrated, because maybe he's hungry, because maybe he's just not getting enough. I've found that the single biggest obstacle to truly enjoying these early months and years is the absolute helplessness I feel when I cannot communicate. I would give nearly anything to know for sure what is wrong and how to help him.
Of course, basic communication, in-and-of-itself, doesn't make things as much simpler as you'd think anyway. I learn this everyday with Abby. The little that she is capable of often flies out the window in the face of great emotion, and I sometimes just can't make sense of her needs through all of the tears, despite my gentle encouragement to her to "use her words."
But the payoff is that much sweeter when it comes. I'm filled with so much pride at every little addition to her lexicon, every tiny indication she might give that she's pulling together all of the various grammatical aspects of language in her mind.
She's taken to saying, "look at that!" I have no idea if she knows what it means, and I'm not sure I care. She says it with just the right inflection, and I want to laugh, cry, and give her a big hug each time, because I'm so flippin' proud. And I will never get over the excitement I feel when I'm gifted with such glimpses of the little girl she will become.
I took my little Panasonic with me on a family walk the other day, in the hopes of catching her "flying baby" pose. Here's what she gave me when I asked for it:
Normally, she does this pose out to the side while the stroller is moving. I guess that since I was a) actually asking her to show me "flying baby" instead of allowing it to happen organically, and b) the stroller was stopped, and I was standing directly across from her, my request brought to mind the position she is in when we spin her around the room, saying "flying baby" all the while. So, not an accurate representation of what I was trying to capture here, but an awesome pose all the same.
When I asked her to show me "to the side," this was all I could get.
She's just hammin' it up for the camera, now.
So many little moments. I wish I could capture them all.