Fussiness Rising

For the past week, with each passing day, it seems that Mia has gotten fussier. My anxiety has begun to creep up at a similar rate, because her behavior is following a pattern that is far too similar to Michael's, at the same age, for my taste. It's a pattern that is looking more and more like reflux to me, though I am still trying to remain optimistic.

I'm giving it a couple more days, since she's got a nasty respiratory infection going on that may end up being the sole cause of the trouble, and then I may have to start experimenting with my own diet to see if I can bring Mia any relief through the elimination of certain problem foods (which have yet to be identified, if indeed they exist).

The only thing that helped us through the worst of it today was wrapping Mia nice and tight in my K'tan wrap, and pacing the room until she finally fell asleep. Of course, though it worked like a charm in the afternoon, it didn't work as well in the evening, and I had to struggle to soothe her for about two hours straight after she woke up in it at the end of dinner.

My head is pounding now from all of the strain, and I am so ready to sleep. Regardless, it's hard for me to drag my feet into the bedroom, tired as I am, knowing that I have perhaps four good hours ahead of me. Though Mia has been doing consistently well on her first shift (once I can finally get her down), the combination of her worsening nasal congestion throughout the night, and my increasing fatigue make it nearly impossible for me to get her back down into her sleeper for shifts two and three.

Though she thankfully sleeps pretty well when squashed against a nice, warm body (nearly always mine)...

 

.. I sleep terribly when she's there, either because I end up with her perched on top of me, and worry all night subconsciously about letting her roll off of me, or I end up with her on either side of me, and experience the same subconscious worry regarding all of the possible suffocation hazards that exist for her in that position.

If I'm really lucky, I also get covered in spit-up before the night is through (or the bed does, at least).

I knew, when I "signed up" to be a mom, that I was signing away more than a decade of quality sleep, but it's hard not to long for a good night's sleep all the same.

How can I not be a little envious when privy to such peaceful slumber all around me?

Well, it's peaceful when it's in someone's arms, anyway.