I have spent all morning building up to opening this page- the one on Blogger where I select "create new post" and actually start writing. It feels strange to be back here again, strange and scary. Because I got to the place, finally, where I had always feared I would end up: that place where I used to blog but didn't anymore, because I just couldn't keep up the momentum. I just couldn't find the motivation anymore.
I have been wanting to. And I could provide a lot of fairly weighty excuses for why not: depression, anxiety, exhaustion, huge life changes. I could also throw in a few lesser ones, like computer issues, lack of time, general laziness and a desire to put other things first, both worthwhile and not.
Regardless, I am here now, hopefully not making empty proposals once again about getting back into gear and starting up again. I can't promise one way or another what will happen tomorrow or in a few weeks time, but for now I can at least claim some growing motivation and hopefulness. If nothing else, I should be finally pushed forward by the crushing weight of boredom that comes with far too much time suddenly dropped into my anxious but daily-growing and lately bedrest-enforced lap.
In the months that I have stayed silent, the blog may have been idle, but my life has not been. It will take time to catch up on the details of my latest pregnancy, which nears its end just as I finally have the courage to reveal it here. More time, still, to relate the changes I have been observing in my beautiful children, our journey to a new home and new neighborhood, and the things we have all learned about ourselves along the way.
As the cursor moves down the screen to the beat of my swiftly-typing fingers, I feel the familiar gears turning again. Ideas about future posts, thoughts eager to be processed through written word. For now, I must hold them off and set small goals, as I once did long ago in the very beginning of my fledgling blogging experience.
I hope to look back on today as the beginning of a fresh start. And I hope that you are still with me then, as now.
I should end here, but first I must make the shameless plug to promote the other baby I have been gestating for many months now: my first published work. Amelia's birth story has been featured in a new collection from It's Really Ten Months, which I am excited to announce will be officially released in a just a couple of weeks from today. Keep a look out, and re-experience the excitement again as I re-tell the adventure that she and I had, when "Sometimes, They Birth Themselves."
With love, official auteur Sharon J. Buckley (and future blogger again, God-willing).